New Years!

It has become the end of 2010 already! This is the time to refresh the year and start off new. Time to make resolutions for the new year and make it the best you can. I have started my own list of things I want to do or get better at for the year 2011. It is a good way to become a better person and give yourself a deadline to do things you have always wanted to get done.

So what am I doing on New Years? Well going out and partying of course! You got to end 2010 right, and what better way to do so than go out and get crazy! I am expecting a fun and blurry night full of dancing and drinking.

I propose everyone to make a list of the things they could be better at and things they would like to do by the end of 2011. Then when 2011 comes, actually stick to your list! What is the most important thing on my 2011 list? Getting my own place!

Where the Hell have I Been??? (Christmas Edition)

It is safe to say that I have been MIA for about a month now from this blog! My apologies! I have been busy with school, work, and yes, my boyfriend :) So anywho, sorry for my little dissapearing act, I told my lazy self to devote more time to my blog now so I will be back!

So what is new.. We passed Thanksgiving which was good and of course Christmas! This was probably the best Christmas I have had yet. This could be a response to my "Family" post where I was talking about how it will be when I have a guy with me at the dinner table with the whole family around and what it would be like etc.. Well this was the Christmas where I had my boyfriend over. I couldn't ask for a more perfect night. People were laughing, sharing stories (some which were extremely embarressing!), and there were no fights or awkwardness. Everyone seems to love my boyfriend and only say good things about him which means so much to me.

This Christmas was truely amazing because for once the family acted like a normal family! It was how Christmas should be with every family. Now knowing this, I know that things with me being gay are a lot better than ever before. It is nice to be accepted to be who I am and be with the guy I like by my family. Right now I couldn't ask for any better. I am very lucky and blessed to have the family that I do.

Living for the Future

It seems to me that people worry about the past way too much. What people have done wrong, the mistakes that they made, and the times they screwed up. Why do we care so much how somebody was in the past when we have a chance to learn about them in the future. People learn from their mistakes to make their future better. Some, however, do not and are made from what they are in the past when they have the opportunity to change.

I personally try to get to know someone by who they are now because you aren't what you were a couple years ago. If I constantly worry about how someone was in the past then I might be missing out on the great person they may have become. Most of the time I don't even want to know their past because it can ruin the future.

Learn from your mistakes and make for a better future.

Changing Majors

I am majoring in Architectural Technology right now and I do not like it one bit. I am not interested in how concrete is made from cement or how masonry makes up this learning establishment's walls. This is why Architecture IS NOT FOR ME! The only reason I went into it is because I liked to design houses on SIMS. Yeah, stupid reason, I know! Anyways its time to switch Majors this simester and its time to go to Plan B, Liberal Arts Biology and Sciences.

Right now I am going for Plan B to live the life long dream of becoming a Pharmacist. Study my ass off for 6 years and play around with drugs till I retire. The true American Dream. Oh, did I mention that pharmacists make lots of monnayyy! Thats not the only reason why I want to go into pharmacy, the other reason is that I have always been interested in chemistry and such so I think that will be incorperated a lot into it.

Anyways, some people, such as my uncle, are not too happy about the big major change! I recieved a letter from my uncle where he stated that I am making a mistake and Architecture is the only way to go for me to live a happy a secure life. You know, because I will be happy doing something that I am completely uninterested in doing. Oh well, thats my Dad's side of the family for you. I will do what I want and what I feel is right for my future, thannnk youuu!

Life is full of opportunities and they are yours to take.

BANKRUPT!

This week I am tottaly BANKRUPT!(not really) Thanks to my need to shop!!! I still havent hit $0 in my bank account or have hit the negatives but im $60 close to it! I never ever let myself get under $100 in my bank account but this week I did. The feeling of not having money is the worst feeling. Payday on Friday can not come soon enough!

So, what did I spend my money on. Well, I bought a new coat and 2 new shirts from Express. Yes my dear friends, that does add up to $200 when you choose the most expensive men shirts and coat at the store. Oh well, I like them a lot so I will just have to live with not being able to afford to eat this week.

Your probably saying, "well why don't you use the $60 you have for food this week?" Well to answer your question, I have no fricken idea why I don't, I just hate spending money unless I'm over my $100. Oh well, hopefuly I wont lose all my money again when I go shopping this week, then to the casino, then out with my friends. WISH ME LUCK!

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Anticipation!

Today is the day I have been waiting for over THREE YEARS! Yes, thats right ladies and gents and all of the inbetween! The braces are coming off! Years and years of the misery of brackets, wires, and rubber bands! I will be getting these babies off in exactly an hour from now as I am writing this post!

Things will be so different! I will finaly look better, be able to eat, and be an expert kisser! I can't wait to show off these pearly whites to the world. Now I will be able to smile in pictures without having my lips closed! OH THE JOY!

Blast from the past. Things that I remember about having braces.
-The times when my lips got stuck in my braces and I had to leave class so no one would see
-The time when I was putting my rubber bands in my mouth during class and one flung out and went into the teachers hair
-The time where I was taking my shirt off to go into the pool and my shirt got stuck in my braces and I needed scissors to get out of it

Yes, I have been through some great fun times with these things, but it is time to say goodbye!

Family

Something struck me while I was sitting at my family dinner for my mothers birthday. I looked around and saw everyone with their significant other, my mother and father and my two brothers with their girlfriend/wife. Then I thought to myself, what happens when I find the one I am happiest with, will it be okay to bring my boyfriend with me to dinner or will it be the most awkward thing ever.

Okay, so this isn't the first time ever that this has struck me. I mean, when I was at my cousins wedding last year I was wondering if my family would ever be accepting enough to be comfortable at my wedding some day marrying another man. Yes, maybe my mom's side of the family but I doubt my dad's would ever show up, or even want to associate with me again knowing that I would be living with another man. When I looked at my aunts crying at the wedding I realized that the probability that they would show emotion like that at my wedding is slim to none. Maybe I am analyzing this too much to the point where I am way wrong but I'd rather expect the least than the most.

Thought the picture from the show Modern Family came most appropriately for this blog post :)

Happy Birthday to ME!

"I'M 18 AND ILL DO WHAT I WANT!"(the song my mother sings to me when I wake up this morning) So yes, today is my birthday! Finally I am legit 18. Not much will change because I already drive after nine, go out to clubs, and go tanning. Oh well, guess its another year of being 18! Ha. So, tonight I'm not doing too much, just the family thing and hanging out with an old friend. Tomorrow my friends are taking me out for my birthday so I am quite excited for that! I can't believe it has to rain today. boo! Oh well!

So since its my birthday I am going to make a checklist of things I want to do before I turn 19. So here it is!

-Go to a casino
-Buy a lottery ticket
-Sign up for a credit card
-order something off an infomercial
-donate money to a cause
-get some sort of new piercing
-go on a trip with my friends out of state
-visit someone I haven't met in years
-help somebody who needs it
-work hard in school
-protest for a cause

Well thats my list for now, probably will add more later! Anyways, Happy Birthday too meee YAY! Peace out!

bellow are my birthday wishes, if you would like to fulfill them please contact me via e-mail..
-world peace
-infinite riches
-a Lamborghini
-a diamond watch
-a bottle of the purest vodka
-metallic gold jacket
-something Gucci or Prada
-A plane ticket to California (return flight not necessary)

Sorry.

I would like to write this in response to my "Age" post. I would like to say sorry to all my friends for stating that they see me nothing more of me than my age because that is very untrue. My anger towards the subject has caused me to call out on the wrong people. I should definitely be thankful for all that my friends do and respect that they see me more for who I am versus my age. I am sorry for throwing my anger out at you guys, I know that it was very wrong and immature of me to do. This goes against everything you guys have taught me. I appreciate the ones who have called me out on that and for the one who told me that I need to prove myself rather than whine about it.

Not that this is any excuse to get out of what I wrote, but just to clear where my anger was towards, the people who I get upset about who treat me based on my age, is the people that don't take the time to know me. The reason I wrote that post was from a person who doesn't know me that was at a former event where he kept making comments on how young I was and how I didn't understand anything that was going on. This happens a lot to me and I take it to heart, but now that I think about it, and what I have learned from the friends that I have, I shouldn't give a shit what other people say because they don't know me for the person that I am. Worded so, I should just ignore what they say about it and laugh it off. If I do get angry about it then I should prove that I am much more than the young person rather than whining about it like a child!

So, I would like to restate that I am very sorry to my friends that I have directed my anger to. It was undeserved and I hope you accept this apology.

Come to Africa with Me!

One thing that I want to do really bad is go to Africa to help people who don't have what I have. If I could I would want to go this upcoming Summer but I can't find anyone who is interested or willing to go with me. A lot of people are worried about loosing their Summer and having to work through it instead. But lets think here, how many great Summers have you had and how many has a child in Africa been able to enjoy? Probably not any for they don't really have a vacation from their daily lives.

I got the idea of this from my Aunt who went to help out in Africa. I have so much respect for her now after she has done that. Anyone who can give up their time for someone else is much respected in my book. But I think its time that I do something too.

Money is always the big issue on this especially if you're still in college like I am. But there are ways to go about this like fund raising and grants from the government who are willing to pay for you to help out other people.

If I could find anyone else to go with me then I would like to research abroad programs and hopefully hop on board with this within this or next year.

Taking it TOO SERIOUSLY!

Alright, it has come to my understanding lately through comments and messages that a lot of my readers are taking my blog posts way too seriously!! Yes these blogs are bias to my opinion but they are meant for a good read and a good discussion. They are often exaggerated for humor as well as rage. If you are taking my blog posts to heart then I advise you to not bother reading them.

Thanks to all my readers and keep reading! Just hit 1,000 views today!

AGE!

If there is one thing I can not stand its when people make comments based on my age. I know I'm young and I look like I'm twelve so you don't have to keep saying it to me. It really pisses me off because people will judge me thinking I am some stupid child because I am usually the younger one of the group. I don't mind being called "the gaybie" but when people treat me like a baby that's when I get pissed off. Don't make comments on when I drink and tell me about the no tolerance rule blah dah dah because I am well aware of it and I wouldn't drink and drive so shut up. And I am pretty sure that you were drinking when you were my age too so don't think your cool shit because your of drinking age and I'm not.

Its annoying that people will judge you based on your age. That's why most of the time I refuse to let people know how old I am so they don't treat me differently. I wanna be treated based on my personality. I act way more mature than most people my age. I know its important to stay in school so you don't need to tell me that. I am well aware that I wasn't even born yet when you listened to Pink Floyd or played old video games but that doesn't mean I haven't heard of it or don't like it.

Anyways, this is me venting because when I go out with my "friends," the topic of the night is always how I am the young one. It kinda gets annoying when its the topic of every party I go to. I would just like to have a normal conversation because I have a lot to say rather than how I was born when you were in high school.

Sorry to throw this one out to everyone lol. I needed to let that out. Oh and by the way.. Yes I can see R rated movies. -_-

Coming Out Story

So apparently, if I'm not mistaken (correct me if I'm wrong), BUT, October is national coming out month. So I thought it would only be appropriate for me to post about it, no? So, this is my coming out story.

Well, first my mother found out because when I was around 13 or 14 I was researching about gay adolescence on her computer and she saw it through the history. No, this was not porn! Anywho, the real story is with my brother and my father. It was around the end of 8th grade and for whatever reason I felt the need to tell them about how I am. At the time my mom kinda forgot about it and figured it was just a little phase that I was going through.

One night I wrote a lengthy note about how I am gay and how I don't give a shit what they think about it. I put the one note in my dad's car so when I left for school and he was going to work he would see it. As for my brother, I gave the note to a guidence counciler to call him down to the office and have him read it there. You know, to avoid confrontation.

So I am riding on the bus and my brother is in the back and im up at the front. Once we get off the bus I said "hey" to my brother. He just looked at me with his face all red and looked disgusted. When we got inside he went insane! He was screaming at me, chasing me, telling me I'm a faggot, etc. Well, before my father came home I "ran away" because I didn't want to deal with my family and I thought that was the thing I was suppose to do. My father called me on my phone and asked where I was and I realized that I am not gonna live in the middle of the street so I told him. He said he loved me anyways and that it didn't bother him. He actually also told me that while he was reading the note he thought it was my brother until he saw my name at the bottom of it and then he chuckled.

Now, years have passed that and it finally has started to grow on my family. Even though I can tell that they still can't understand it, I am thankful that I didn't get stuck in a worse situation where I was kicked out or anything else. If I didn't have my family to support me then I wouldn't have much at all.

The thing that bothers me the most is that even if your family supports you, it will still never make any sense to them why you are the way you are and most will always wish you went down the path that they had visioned. My one friend who is now much older had me over with his mom one time and his mom said something that even hurt me to hear. She said while showing me pictures of him as a teenager, "and this is the age he was when he broke my heart." Meaning that this was the age he was when he came out to her.

This post has gone long enough for me to write! Now its your turn. Everybody's coming out story is different, so, I would like you to share your coming out story in a comment below.

Peace!

When your crush is straight..

As I sit here in my college library, drinking my coffee, and thinking of topics to write, my crush passes by me. Oneeee problem... HE'S STRAIGHT! Like this is the first time.. Your crush being straight is one of the worst things a gay person can go through, or vise versa however. Why must this happen? Sometimes I wish that everyone in the world could be bi, then we can have somewhat of a chance with anyone. But sadly this isn't true, there is absolutely no chance when your crush doesn't like the gender that you are.

What can make this any worse? Oh wait... I know exactly how this can be worse. When your straight crush has a girlfriend! Watching them all over each other being all cute while you sit there looking, hating it. I've had many straight crushes, obviously because there are wayyyy more straight people than gay people. Plus, I have an attraction to masculine men, which is pretty much all straight guys.

So this is when I think, what can I do to resolve this issue? Well, I can either hold a knife to them, brainwash them, or the hardest of all three, forget about them. Yeah that's kinda sad that forgetting about them is harder than holding a knife to them or brainwashing them. Which, just to note, that I would never hold a knife up to anyone! But, I might try to brainwash you with my ideas about Carl Palidino.

So in conclusion of this whole MESS, we are limited in who we like and its another one of those little things that gays will suffer through. Oh, and just to make one thing clear, just because your a straight guy, doesn't mean that I'm attracted to you. Are you attracted to every woman you see? If you are, see the doctor, your a nymphomaniac.

Hell No to PaladiNO!

If you haven't seen this disgusting speech already, then you better watch it now.
Link here ----> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKL9TRaePww

Okay, I am not much into politics but when I saw this I wanted to rip his head off! Who does he think he is? Like this is going to help his campaign at all.. He just cut out a whole group of voters. I can not stand ignorant people. Yeah because it was my choice to live this hard life style. You don't have to understand it, but don't hate it because of it.

Lets remember, gay pride parade is not the example we want to set for our children because its wrong to stand up for what you believe in and fight for equality. Oh and yes, to go on, I just lovvve how he says, "don't miss quote me as wanting to hurt homosexual people in anyway. That would be a dastardly lie. My approach is live and let live." Ha! Who are you kidding. One, you hurt every homosexual that I know. Almost all of them have posted this video on their status' with disgust. The only "dastardly lie" here is what you just said. Live and let live? no more like live and let suffer. Go ahead, put us through shit, don't let us have equal rights to get married and have a happy life.

I am so glad that he thinks that gay people brain wash people. No, your the brainwasher. If someone is gay, they are gay! What you are doing is brainwashing people to think that they are not gay and its just in their mind.

Well, he was smart enough to gain the jewish orthodox group and loose a whole population of gay people for good (more sarcasm). Im sure that in about 50 to 100 years kids will be learning about the rights gay people weren't given because they were who they were and they will wonder why anyone could be like that. Just like how we learned about women's sufferage.

If You Ain't Young Get The Fuck Out the Club!

So I totally took that line from the song Shots and reworded it beee teee doubbsss. But any who, what is with these old creep ass menn thinking they can go to a club and creep on young boys that could be their GRAND CHILDREN!!!

Welllll.. I went out Friday night with my girls out to a popular gay club down town. This Old Creeper that was probably around 55-60 years in age (older than my parents) was on the prowl that night I suppose. Anywho, he was standing in his ugly SWEATER watching me while I dance with my friends. So he comes up and stands literally 2 feet away from me and my friends dancing, so naturally we just move to a different spot. Well guess who comes following us standing 2 feet from us again?
Don't know? Here's a hint...
He's older than my parents, wears an ugly sweater, and creeps men a quarter of his age.
Yeah, that's right, me and my friends were so disgusted and I gave this old man a look that said "you better call AARP and hope that they cover 'my fist in your face' on your medicare plan."

After this, he got the message. So what does he do next? Well obviously he goes to another group of people my age and stalks them. Ugh, so gross. There is a time for clubs, and its not when your olddd.. I could understand if he went with friends and went to the bar, but when an old man is alone creeping on guys my age, then that's when shit hits the fannn.

GO HOME MR. RODGERS!

Gay Suicide

Alright, this is a subject that I have been avoiding because its such a sad thing to talk about. But, due to recent suicides regarding homosexuality that has hit the news within the last month, I thought that this would be the appropriate time to talk about it.

Being gay can be the toughest thing to go through. I can't count the number of times where I have felt like an outcast from everyone else. Like I didn't fit in with anyone else around me. Basically, people don't like people that are different than them because they don't understand the life style. There are usually people that hate you because your gay, like you because they want a gay friend, and the rare actual best friend. So obviously, this doesn't help any gay person feel like they deserve to live.

After a while this constant bullying and feeling like an outcast will build on a person where they feel that not living is better than going through the same shit everyday. This may sound very very cliché but, SUICIDE IS NEVER THE ANSWER!!

This is where the uplifting anti-suicide section comes in. Yes your going to go through shit, mainly throughout high school, but, you wont be in high school forever. You can do whatever you want. Be more active, go out and stand up for your rights and fight to end bullying. Everyone has a say and a chance to fight for what they believe in. You most likely wont reach out to millions of people but its still one thing to reach out to a few. Try to get people to understand that gay bullying is wrong and no one chooses their sexuality. Prove that gay people are strong and not week. Make a difference and be comfortable with who you are.

The Dating Game

So tonight I went on a pretty good date I must say. I think dating is such a funny thing only because its like a job interview. You are asked about your background history, what you are doing now, your interests, and your main goal is to weed out the bad and find the good. I find that some people use dating as a way to find out if somebody is cute and date them based on that and tell themselves that they will work on the social connection later. That's whats wrong with America, or society in that matter, when we want something (like a boyfriend/girlfriend) we want it now now now! Why do you think fast food places were made? So my point being here is that one should take the time to go on several dates with one person to see if they have the certain qualities that they look for, then decide if this is the person that they want to be with.

So back to this date, I was very pleased that he gave feedback on answers that were under his own opinion. Usually when I go on a date, my date agrees with everything I say because they think I will like someone who is on the same page as me. In actuality, I like a guy who has his own opinions and can speak passionately about his own beliefs. Another thing I liked was that he showed that he didn't want to be rude when something came up, for example, when his phone went off he knew it would be rude to be on it but he had to check it so he told me he was sorry for that. All good pluses in my book. However, there were some moments where I was turned off, but they were rare moments. Any who, that's expected by anyone.

So going further back to what I said in the beginning, dating is definitely like a job interview, on the contrary, you are both interviewing each other. So what I am saying is, be the interviewer, don't focus on what he or she thinks of you, focus on what you think of them. Be confident, and be yourself.

Homophobia.. Sounds Like a Disease, Doesn't It?

Homophobes are probably my second biggest fear, my first being death. Pretty sad huh? Why must people get so much enjoyment out of hurting others? I know I shouldn't worry about people saying stuff about me or making fun of the way that I am but its hard not to be liked for something that you can't change.

To be honest, when I used to be out in public I used to look around to see if people are saying crap about me or not. I've started to gain much more confidence than I used to about this and usually ignore what people say. But to those who are not there yet. I have been there most of my life. It is very hard and can get you very down but when you start accepting that you are who you are and if someone doesn't agree with it they have no impact on your life what so ever.

Anywho, my reason for writing about homophobia is because when I was at work last a woman with her teenaged child was laughing at me while I was cashing them out saying "He's so gay." This is where homophobia starts, at home. Monkey see, monkey do. Children who grow up with homophobic parents will most likely grow up to be homphobic.

Why are people homophobic? I think there are several reasons to this. One, they are scared of a different lifestyle that they weren't grown up with. Two, they are afraid of what other people will say if they don't say shit to homosexuals. Three, they are uneducated and they don't understand that its something that you don't choose.

When that woman said "He's sooo gay" to her daughter laughing and staring at me, it hit me like a bullet. This is deffinitely not the first time that this has happened at work. That is pretty sad that people can't be mature enough to not say anything or even wait till they are out of the room to say it. After she said that I went to the bathroom because it hit me so hard. Thank God that I have such a wonderful Manager that said to me "if anyone does that let me know because thats not right." I thank her so much just for saying that. It meant a lot.

I could go on forever about this subject so there may be other things on it in the future.

I Am More Than Just Gay

So this is one thing that gets on my nerves very easily. I cannot stand to be refered to as being someones "gay friend." Okay, sure I am gay, but, I am also a lot more than just that. I am a piano player, a DJ, a skier, a student, hard-worker, and also funny. So my question is, why can't I be refered to as someones "piano playing, DJ, skier, student, hard-working, funny friend?"

I have always hated when people would be like, "I always wanted a gay friend!" or "gays are so fun to be around." One, gays are not all the same. Each one of us has our own cliques and personalities, we don't all just bounce around and like to pick out your clothing. In fact, I hate picking out clothes for people! I am absolutely horrible at it! If you ask me to go shopping with you and you expect me to be an expert because I'm gay, it not one of your best ideas. I have enough trouble picking my own clothes out. Two, why is it okay for you to call me your "gay friend" but if your fat I can't call you my "fat friend?" Three, am I only your friend because I'm gay?

Words of advice to all the people who have friends that are gay and introduces or calls them their "gay friend." Drop the labels and just call us your friend because being your friend means much more than being just the "gay friend."

Football Players

Now this is a little switch up to my blog posts but it needed to happen sometime.. What is it about football players that makes me sooooo attracted to them. Is it the muscles? the masculinity? the athleticism? ha. I hate football, hate hate hate it. So boring! I mean, they go one way then the other and they stop every two seconds!! So slow, wayy lame. But if I had a man that was a football player, dayyyummm, id go to everyyyy game!

Football players are hott and all but I like many other types of guys. I like guys who are really smart, I like guys who are cute and shy, I like guys who are outgoing and fun... actually.. i just like guys in general! I don't really stick to one personality, but if the only types of guys I don't like are guys who take advantage of people, redheads, and emos haha. But other than that, MENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! :)

Gay at College vs. High School

So I've only been to college for about a week now but there are already so many differences from High School. Growing up in a small country town where everybody knows your name and farming is the number one priority in life, being gay was very difficult. I used to be scared to walk in the halls alone and I wouldn't go in the bathrooms in school at all unless it was after school and no one was there. It was very tough and I had times where guys have said shit about me in front of the whole class and have everyone laugh and I would leave the class and spend it in front of my locker or would go to the nurse to avoid class. I remember when someone said crap about me in front of the whole class and I had to leave because I just broke down into tears.

Now its been a week of college and I feel so much more comfortable. Sure there are the occasional people that I would avoid but I really don't feel scared to be myself. I shouldn't be afraid to be myself at all. It's nice to finally go to school where your not the only minority and you don't have a bunch of hicks saying shit to you everywhere you go. I love college, so much more maturity.

Vulnerability

So it has taken me a while to learn this but now that I do I think my life will change a whole lot more. You have seen my posts where I whine and whine about how life sucks, men suck, blah-dee-fracking-dah, but I think I found the source of all my problems. I feel that I have always been too vulnerable and let other people take advantage of me. When guys did something I didn't like I would let them do it anyways because I didn't have the strong enough voice to say something about it. I have always been scared about upsetting the other guy by not doing what they wanted. Now I realize that I don't want someone whom I have to do whatever they want to make them happy. I deserve to be happy too, do I not?

So now that I have realized this, I have been stronger in my voice to tell people to back off of me and make it clear to what I want. A great friend once told me that "when a guy calls you to hang out when its the middle of the night, what are they really calling for..," and after he said that I realized that I make myself too vulnerable. I have been stupid for too long and now thats going to change because I can speak for myself and I can't be happy without making my own decisions.

words to live by right now: SPEAK UP!

Relationships, Loosing all Hope

Today is the day where I feel that I give up and lost all hope on trying to find "the one." I have been searching and waiting for the right guy to come into my life and yet the guy has never come. The only guys I have found are the ones who want sex with me and no emotional attachment. Yes, I'm young and have so much time in my life to focus on who I will be with. I guess I just want someone to rely on and build a relationship with. I want someone to be there with in tough times and great times. Friends are great for those times but I'm sure its better when you have your significant other. But now I feel like I'm giving up on it all.

The word love is starting to sound fake to me. I think its time to give up on the searching and just live life as it is given to me. If I'm going to be the lonely old gay then let it be. I feel that it is very tough to find a gay man that sees a person more than just sex. There are some gays who like relationships but they seem to "fall in love" way too fast and there is no real meaning into the relationship at all. I've been told that someone loves me many times, but I never felt that it was the truth, especially seeing how my longest relationship has been four months. I never said the words "I love you" to another man and maybe I never will be in love. I suppose that I will just have to find better ways to be happy than relying on someone else to make me happy. Yes, this post is pathetic, but I give up.

Thank You to anyone who actually decided to take time out of there lives to read this silliness ha!

Gay Men and their Hookups! UGH!

Okay, is it me or is every hott/cute gay guy just looking for hookups?!?!? Sorry, but, whatever happened to being in a relationship? Is that only for the ugly gays now? The only guys that ever want to be in a relationship are the ones that can't even live up to being decent looking (okay not all, prove me wrong!). The only hott/cute guys that I find that ever want to be in a relationship use a relationship as their advantage of getting laid, and they usually end up cheating in the end anyways so it never works out.



Several reasons why hookups SUCK!

1. Emotional Distress
After a hookup one can feel shitty because they are only being used as an object and there are no true connections between the person.

2. Reputation
Hooking up with people doesn't send a great message to people. It is NOT cool to be looked at as a slut.

3. Catching a STD
Obviously the more you sleep around with people the more your chances are of catching an STD; and lets face it, men HATE condoms!!!!! But if this is the lifestyle you choose then pleasseee, pleassee, pleasssssssssssseee use condoms and get checked up at least once every 3-6 months!!

So what I am trying to get at is that it is very hard for me to find a decent good looking guy to be in a relationship with. And no, of course not all cute/hott gays are not into relationships but I do find it to be very rare!

Oh and for the guys that hookup through CraigsList... Ew. Be careful!

I don't want to be that gay who ends up all by themselves living off the satisfaction of hookups who eventually dies of a slow depressing death from AIDs.

But hey, those are just my thoughts, what do you think?

5 Hour Energy Shots, do they work?

So today I decided to find out what the hype is on these 5 Hour Energy Shots. I wasn't sure if they really were all that good, seeing how it looks like they took an old ass video camera and had a friend shoot their commercial.

Anywho, I had an 8 hour work day ahead of me so I said "what the hell, why not!" So 5 minutes before work I took half the bottle, as instructed, and drank a cup of water because damn, those things don't have the greatest taste to them (trust me). I didn't feel like it was doing anything until about a half hour to an hour later at work. I found myself to be very attentive and alert of what was going on. I also noticed that my hands were shaking a bit, which was expected because if you put one coffee in me then I go off the walls!

After a few more hours I took the last of my energy shot. I felt a little tired for about 15 minutes while at the same time I felt like I could run a mile. That is a weird ass feeling! Overall, the day seemed to go by very quick and I could have taken on another hour at work. If they didn't cost $3.99 a bottle I would probably use them almost everyday but at the price they are I will save them for the days that really drag on.

I give 5 Hour Energy Shots two thumbs up!


Tell me what you think of them and if they worked for you!